Monday, February 6, 2012

Pre-Op Angst & Thanks

Good piece of news: Abdominal ultra sound was clean! No issues with the tummy organs at all! Yay!

Now the countdown is on!

I am both nervous and pumped to do this surgery. I want it dealt with. Done. Out. Finito. And yet I am sooooo freakin scared to do this! Never had surgery in my life, never broken a bone, never needed more than 2 stitches in my pinky finger and certainly never had to think about recovering from anything this traumatic. I've said my "goodbyes" to my natural boob... really realizing how much I've taken for granted what I had. How nice it was to have had it... I am amazed with what the plastic surgeons can do these days though... I am told I will have some nice ones this time next year. I may not be able to have any feeling there and they will not be the same, but at least something will be there. 

Keeping up with my "staying in the present moment" idea, I am working on not getting too ahead of myself. Trying to shut up those negative voices in my head that tell me I should be worrying or looking for problems that could arise. An amazing person with whom I speak to on a regular weekly basis has really helped me center myself and find ways to stop that voice. Problems may happen, they may occur, but as I sit here now typing this... there are no problems. I am just simply writing, with my new little pixie haircut, my bags all packed, my cat Tao sitting at my side, I can hear my Mum making something in the kitchen and Mike is in the shower. In this moment, I am safe, without any problems to deal with. And when I get on the ferry tonight and I sit there with my book, there will be no problems to fix. The problems just exist in the mind... So silly it is when you think of it. 

Reminding myself of all of this up to the moment that I arrive at the hosptial will be a challenge, but I am up for it. I need it. Without that sense of balance and calm I would be lost. 

And without the huge amount of support I am getting from everyone I would not be as positive as I am today! So I just want to say thanks to everyone for their support... you all rock! 

Ready to do this! 

– Ashley


  1. Ashley - the journey you are on will be filled with love and will ease the anxiety that you are going through. We have much to be thankful for. Medical Research has come far with Breast Cancer and this has given hope to many. It is not the physical self that expresses your beauty, it is the inner self that expresses your beauty. You will always be beautiful to those that have deep love for you. I will be thinking of you!

  2. Good luck tomorrow although I know you won't need it because you're already doing everything to kick cancers butt. YOU ROCK - don't forget that!! Love ya and will be thinking of you tomorrow!


  3. Ashley; I believe your inner strength and positive attitude are going to take you throught this. You are surrounded by family and friends who love you, don't hesitate to lean on them. I think of you daily and send good energy your way.

  4. Ashley, just found your blog and I am thinking of you tonight! Hold on to that feisty spirit! I'm sending positive energy and prayers your way tonight and every day of your journey.


  5. Hi Ash,

    Your Mumka called us after she left the hospital last night at the end of your long day. We are all holding you in our thoughts and prayers. Let us be your strength. For now, rest well, and let the healing happen.

    Uncle John

  6. p.s. Atticus asked me to point out that you misspelled "countdown" : )

  7. Hi Ashley! I hear you're home now and recovering with much sleep, which is the best thing you can do! Sleep helps heal the body! I didn't realize you have never had surgery before! I've been through a few and wanted to remind you to take it easy for the next two weeks at least! Don't be surprised if you can't even sit up in bed by yourself for a while, it's scary at first but your mobility and strength will return! I recommend keeping up on any pain medication given, even if you're feeling better, don't miss those meds! I even set my alarm to make sure I got up and took them in the night, which helped me a lot.
    Remember that you've got an offer of a free meal delivered to you any time you need it, just give me a call!
    I'm praying for you and would love to help out in any way I can. Remember the worst is over and you're getting stronger and healthier every day! xoxoxoxoxxo

  8. Spelling error fixed... someone please alert Atticus at once!

  9. And Thank you all for prayers and well wishes! I am so lucky to have so many of you sending me good love and positivity!