Five Years

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Today it's been five years. Five years since it was confirmed that I had cancer. 

At that time the idea of reaching this date seemed pretty unlikely. I would spend hours researching the prognosis for young women with breast cancer and the majority of my late-night Google findings had tragic and frightening outcomes. More often than not I was pretty convinced that I wouldn't live beyond 2 years. 

But today is THEE day. My 5 year mark has arrived. 

I'm told that recurrence rates decrease a little bit beyond this point, though I know nobody truly knows. But to be here in this moment with no evidence of disease (as far as I know) feels like a miracle. I am thankful beyond words. Quite honestly, it feels like a dream that I've reached this point in survivorship. At times this milestone felt like it would never come. 2017 was once so far away! There was so much time for the shit to hit the fan! 

So I told myself that if I reached 5 years I would: 1. Be in Hawaii 2. Be cracking the bottle of wine that was bought the day I found the lump 3. Have a burning ceremony of all the booklets, pill boxes and papers related to my diagnosis. 

NOW: Hawaii is waiting for me in February. I don't really drink, so I'm not sure about the wine. And I do plan on cleansing the house of evidence that I was a cancer patient (minus all my patho reports of course). 

SO today feels pretty damn special to me. It's emotional. It's raw. I'm feeling part I've-Come-So-Far celebratory, part holy F*CK that just happened, and a small part still learning to live with the unknowns. I know nothing is guaranteed and 5 years doesn't mean 'cured'. But I feel a healing occurring in me daily. And even through the hard stuff, the loss, the reminders, the physical / emotional scars, I can say I am fairly at peace with where I'm at. 

Was cancer a gift? No. But it's been my teacher. It somehow managed to make my world feel both broken AND whole. It made me face my mortality - And it taught me how to live. It's been the worst thing - And it's also lead to the best things. 

❤️ Carrying a smile and an ever-grateful heart. ❤️ 

It's Been 2 Years, Happy New Year

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Today is my 2 year cancerversary. 2 year ago today at exactly 1pm I was told I had a rapidly growing breast cancer. I was 28 years old and scared out of my mind… fearful of the unknown, of chemotherapy, losing my boob and thoughts of potentially dying young, I had every bit of innocence taken from me. 



More Than Pink

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Please watch this video that a few of my cancer survivor friends and I put together. Thanks to all 33 friends in my cancer connection community for sharing such personal photos for this important project. Thank you Shellie Kendrick who put the guts of this together. xo

Pink is everywhere in today's world. But there is more to cancer awareness than just a pretty coloured ribbon. We are more than the products being pushed for 'the cure.' We are more than the sexualization of a disease that takes so many lives. We are more than silly FB status updates showing "support". We are more than just one month. We are more than just one color. It's time to push pass one cancer having the loudest voice. It's time ALL cancers be acknowledged equally. 

Please watch and share.

#realcancerawareness

A + M = Together, We Rule

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!!! MUSHINESS ALERT !!!

Mikey & Me : circa 2006

:)
In every relationship there are challenges. You don't always see eye to eye, you might bicker about trivial things, have some pet peeves that may drive you crazy. Even the most solid couples have their issues... it could be a difference in parenting styles, the occasional communication break down, not getting enough down time together, a recurring argument about finances or maybe a certain particular one of you is a bad back-seat driver and has a tendency to be a bit bossy in downtown Vancouver traffic... (Who? ME? Never!)

Keeping Track: My Crazy 2012

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I was going to make this post about all the things I learned this year, major milestones and a list of what I am grateful for. But writing that out is somewhat of a daunting task for me because it requires actual thinking…and lately I have been so tired I haven't much energy to form meaningful sentences. Plus it would also entail some heavy duty reflection... and let's be honest, we all know 2012 was mostly one big nightmare.

This Time Last Year

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This time last year I was waiting for an ultra sound. I was supposed to get it on December 8, 2011 but the radiology department at St. Mary's Hospital was short-staffed and they had to cancel and push me back a full week. I didn't mind. I wasn't worried. I didn't care that it would be delayed. As far as I was concerned I didn't need to rush it because I didn't believe there was reason to worry.

La La How The Life Goes On

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It's been a busy November. A few days after Mike and I returned from our mini getaway my Mum arrived from Ontario followed by my older brother Nick arriving from New Brunswick. It was kind of like a little family reunion here at our house. Nick and I hadn't seen each other in close to 9 years, so it was really an over-due get-together. It's amazing how family can go so long without visits... but I guess that's what happens when you're scattered across the country like my family.

On Expectations & The Non-Existent How-To-Deal-With-Cancer Handbook

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There's something about Summer. I've always loved it. The warmer weather, the weeks of sunshine, the flowers, shorts and dresses, pleasant evenings spent outside until late, beach walks, gelato and flip flops. If I could have my way, I'd live somewhere where the temperature never went below 21 degrees Celsius. I'm just that kind of gal.

To Live and Not Dwell

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I am coming up to my last chemo treatment. Tuesday, July 10th is the final day and I couldn't be more ready for it. This chapter of my life has sure been a real test of what I am made of. It is said that The Universe/God/Life doesn't give you anything you can't handle and I guess that is true in a sense. I am doing it and getting through. It has been excruciatingly difficult to deal with of course at times. Cancer is a whopping pain in the ass that way.

There's Always a Choice

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I wish it was just an April Fool's joke that I have to start chemo this Tuesday. Unfortunately that is not the case. But in the last few weeks I have really been working at being OK with it.

Greetings From Estrogen City

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Irritable, emotional and agitated…I am a walking ball of womanly hormones.

From The Beginning

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On Saturday December 3rd, 2011 I found a lump in my left boob when I was showering. I think it was the new slippery soap I was using that made me really notice it.  Finding it alarmed me. I knew it wasn't normal breast tissue so I made my way to see my GP first thing on Monday. She seemed to think it would be a cyst because of my age but she sent me for an ultra sound to check it out.