Monday, August 15, 2016

Summer of Loss

How's your Summer been? This is a question we get asked and I've been struggling with answering.

Summer is my favourite season, but truthfully it feels like it's only just started.

Solstice began with the sudden loss of my dear sweet Mamka (my grandmother). She was the heart of our family and so much more than a Grandparent to me. We shared a very special bond. A 15 year cancer survivor, Mamka gave me hope daily... and she lived cancer-free until her passing. She often told me how proud she was of me. I never got to tell her that the feeling was mutual and then some. She was my hero. To think that she is not alive today is something I am still trying to comprehend. How do you live in a world without someone who has been so much to you? These months without her have been so incredibly difficult to navigate. I've never faced this kind of grief before. The deep sadness, energy loss, numbness, the emotions that come in such intense waves and change on a whim, it's affected me in ways I never imagined. Despite feeling Mamka is with me in spirit, there is still this massive void. An empty space in my heart. 

Not two weeks after Mamka died my Auntie Rena passed. She was a big traveller who sent me postcards and letters my whole life. Auntie Rena's travel tales of exotic tours and cruises to far off places were a huge influence on me as a kid. I always admired her adventuring independent nature. She was one tough lady.

Then my first 'cancer buddy' passed away. Kristy was my lifeline support the first 2-3 years after cancer. We were diagnosed at the same time and despite having different cancers were a great source of encouragement for each other. I will forever remember Kristy for her caring kind heart, glowing spirit and the fierce love she had for her son. I am forever grateful for our short friendship (sadly under shit circumstances).

I know many others who have experienced immense loss during this season. Something in the stars? Whatever it may be, and though it hurts that they're gone, I know there are some pretty special angels looking out for us here on earth right now. ❤️

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